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Herstory

And so I had all intentions of this being a food type of post but I have become deflated with reality. My whole life may be changing very soon – for the better but it will be a challenge for me. I love food – crappy junkie delicious food and I was ready to experiment and cook and share, but reality has struck and I am not sure it would be responsible for me to adventure into unhealthy cooking right now.

This week I finally went to the doctor and got some blood work done. They took the blood from my hand (which SUCKS) but nonetheless I did it. Turns out what I suspected was true: my thyroid levels were low.

Here is some backstory:

When I was sixteen I went to the doctor for a physical and they found a large cyst in my neck. It was (and is) uncomfortable when it is pressed on and swells whenever it feels like it. The doctors were perplexed. I was there in my paper gown with every physician in the office poking and prodding at my neck. The concerned looks back and forth were enough to make me nervously shake and start to cry. I am prone to full blown anxiety attacks – most of the time they are triggered due to my health.

After a painful 10 or so minuets went by, I was sent across the street for X-Rays. After that I was sent back to the doctor’s office.

“No spots”

“No spots, no, but she needs a biopsy”

I read enough Lurlene McDaniel books in my adolescence to know that a biopsy was serious and that it could conclude in caner. I knew that a lump in the neck could be Leukemia because that is what one of the girls felt on her boyfriend in one of those tragically sad novels. It ends with him drawing her a flower and then passing away on prom night. With all of that racing through my head I went into a tailspin of ‘what if’. But, the biopsy was clear (yes I was awake when they stuck a giant needle into my neck) but I was ok. The cyst apparently formed in response to some mysterious neck trauma I suffered growing up (whatever that was).

The problem was that it was wrapped around my thyroid. But the tests proved my levels to be normal so I exhaled.

Soon after this I started something a lot of teenage girls start and that is birth control pills which result in some extra hormones regulating some weird things in your body.

Over the course of the next 6 years I struggled with stress and weight like any other person does. My weight was always an issue since growing up I was a skinny awkward girl and I didn’t develop or grow into my features until I was about 17.

I started college 20 or so pounds heavier than I was used to (this means I weighed about 130 pounds….yeah I was that skinny). It has been a major insecurity of mine.

Every diet, every exercise, every everything I did to lose weight. At one point I lost 30 or so pounds in 2010, which was amazing for me. But like most people it went up and down like usual. The problem was after I stopped taking my pill my weight increased by almost double even though I was still eating the same. In discouragement I went back into some old habits but it was still strange how I was on a steady increase that I have never seen before. This was all right in time for my wedding so thanks for that insecurity universe, I don’t think I will ever forgive myself.

So, after scaring the living daylights out of myself by reading one of those ‘preparing for pregnancy books’ since starting a family is on the table I decided I am already 95% a bad mother because well I have cavities that need to be filled (aka I need like 4 crowns because my mouth is in distress) and I am carrying extra weight.

Finally, I go get my thyroid tested. It makes sense, I have all of the symptoms (which are vague). The main reason I went to get tested was that even after trying to conceive, it wasn’t happening after 4 months (yes I know that is too soon and a lot of people take a year but seriously it is discouraging and it got me to the doctor so shutty) I read that a thyroid issue could lead to fertility troubles.

Just as I suspected, my levels are low and I have an appointment with a specialist in about 2 weeks. After that I will most likely be put on a medication where I will have to fast and completely change my diet and routine to make it effective. It scares me so much because I am so stubborn and can never stick with anything.

So I have deiced that if it comes down to it this blog will be a place for me to share an experience. Underactive Thyroids are very common in women my age (who knew?!) and as frustrating as it is to hear ‘what you have is common, it is no big deal’ that isn’t what I want to get across. While it may be something people see often, it is a HUGE DEAL because hi, it effects every-day life. So I will keep you posted, and this blog will become Twenty Something Stephanie: Woman on a mission to help other women.

And some cute crafts and stuff in-between.

Happy Friday – I hope everyone feels fantastic today

Changes

Hello to the nobody who reads my blog – I am working on changing that ;)

Anyway for now I made some more than necessary changes to the look of my blog – ya dig? I sure do. Even if there are a few kinks still I am glad that it is all somewhat working out. I wanted to post about the changes because I have been spending a lot of time living and I am inspired by other blogs to share some things and to document more.

Since August 4^th (yes the day I got married) I have been doing a project 365 to document my first year as a wife day by day. Through this project 365 some challenges have arose:

1)      We are unbelievably boring

2)      Sometimes life gets hard unexpectedly and you don’t always want to document it

3)      I forget to take photos

All in all though it has been great so far and I am so happy that I did it. But now – since the writer in me is seriously aching for some action – I must Keep Calm and Blogger On.

Since I joined Pinterest I have been addicted just like I have been on the likes of Tumblr but now I have all of these warm fuzzy feelings of sharing recipes and crafts and it makes me so motivated to be productive.

So tonight will start my resolution of cooking new things at least once a week with the Stuffed Taco Shells recipe I pinned a week or so ago. Yes I know we are nearing the end of the month but better late than never. I feel like resolutions can be made all year, changes happen at the drop of a hat, the new year is always just a good starting point but isn’t the only one. Ya know?

I will start to document my cooking adventures (thanks Corinne!) and maybe even some of my 365 pictures. While I will write my everlasting pros also I am going to implement my creative ventures because I need an outlet for my creativity and here is the blog.

I also have a blog for my business (yup I’m a small business owner) here. I’m an Event Planner, which is really, really awesome.

Any creative people want to help me with html blah blah blahs and teach me a thing or two about photoshop? I’m a little lost!

So look out for some new awesome entries.

As I would like to say to myself today: Welcome Back Stephanie, Welcome Back.

2012

And over a month later: a post.

I am the worst at neglecting my blog. 2012 has not been held to my oath of organization but alas I am aware of the problem and making an effort to fix it.

It is snowing today. And as much of a pain snow can be – I am unbelievably happy. I love snow. I have a total Gilmore Girls over the moon love for the magic of the wintertime and the snow that falls during it. Driving home from work will be challenging but I will be able to look at the prettiness and serenity that snow brings.

I bought a brown leather beautiful journal which I have been writing in at least every other day. It has been nice. The focus that it brings to me is so intense. I think I am going to make an effort to start the day with it instead of end the day with it. I have been making small personal changes that I am hoping will add up into big ones this year.

Let’s face it, last year was full with big ups and huge downs and honestly I am in need of recovery. My Sister & Brother In-Law’s beautiful wedding day, our father’s retirements, my brother graduating from high school, me getting my bachelor’s degree, all led up to our wedding, being in Paris (falling in love, never wanting to come back), and then suffering one of the most painful losses a family could suffer. Cancer is a horrible thing. Please everyone take care of yourselves out there.

 But I cannot dwell on any of it, the good the bad and the ugly. Instead I need to move forward. Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.

So hello first blog entry of 2012 – you’ll be seeing me more often.

Also, out there in the blog universe, is there anyone who could kindly help me with a layout? I will pay if I have to, or trade my event planning services. Please contact me!

Ta Ta For Now,

Stephanie

My top 100 of 2011

100. “By the grace of God and Professor Phagan you are here tonight Stephanie.”

99. F. Scott Fitzgerald and our secret love affair

98. “Stop staring at me swan!” being able to say that for real!

97. Doing Gill & Emily’s make-up the first of the year

98. Quitting BBB, even if it meant leaving the amazing spy team

97. Becoming Manager at Addictions, I complain about retail all of the time, but I love my girls!

96. New Year’s Day with my amazing cousins who I have become closer with this year

95. A Valentine’s Day in with Steev

94. Snow, and more snow, and more snow!

93. Going through old pictures

92. Scanning old pictures

91. Becoming a go to picture person

90. Home movies

89. Spending time in the city with my cousin Katie

87. That squirrel picture!

86. JC Penny and the 200 dresses I have bought from there (on sale for a steal!)

85. Not caring that I shop at JC Penny because I look good! Hahaha

84. The great GHD switch :)

83. Kelly Roux and her redheaded friendship

82. Cirque De Sole with the Coiro’s

81. Really blue skies on warm days to walk Annie

80. My iPod

79. Tons of new great music

78. Madison Square Garden

77. The New York Rangers (I love hockey)

76. Finally having Sea Port Deli for the first time

75. Urban Decay’s Naked Palette

74. Laughter

73. Scrapbooking

72. Finally getting back into reading

71. Drafting my novel

70. Finding the discipline I have needed all along

69. Inner strength

68. Seeing a ton of movies

67. Steev & I finally having a day off together – date days have been amazing

66. Orange Soda out of a big glass (Big Steve)

65. Big Steve in general (who is off facebook so he cannot be tagged)

64. Getting to know Big Steve’s family Michelle, Christine, Desiree, Stephanie & Cutie Tess better

63. Desiree’s Baby Shower

62. Down Port

61. Root Beer Floats

60. Featherin’

59. Having Seb’s Empanadas for the first time (amazing)

58. ‘EEEEEYYYYYYYY’ aka Sebbing it

57. Extended family

56. ‘Seriousy?!’

55. ‘Shut up!’

54. Panama

53. Drunk friends using our couch more than once

52. CCCCOOOLLLLEEEEEENNNNNNNN

51. Toilet Paper Wedding Dresses

50. Inspiration Boards

49. Getting kicked off of LI Weddings like 8 times

48. St. James Day

47. Sivana Salon in St. James

46. Jessica Nelson being the most kick ass hair stylist I have ever met and worked with

45. My hair, yet again, had an AMAZING year (see above)

44. Lake Grove Village Florist, Amanda is amazing!

43. Meeting all new professionals that I get along with and respect so much

42. Pumpkin picking in the rain (again)

41. The Fall Festival with Gill & Stephen

40. Giving Stephen the nickname ‘PH’

39. Kan Jam

38. Pumpkin, my Jeep, even if that was an 8 month affair

37. Stella & Dot Jewelry (see Michelle about that one)

36. The Avalon

35. Pumpkin ice cream

34. Jerry’s Wings (the best on the damn island)

33. Expanding our pallets to find secret ingredients in food and becoming some of ‘those’ people

32. Annoying even ourselves with that one

31. My mall walking senior citizen friends

30. Dunkin Doughnuts Hot Chocolate

29. My Starbucks Gold Card

28. William Faulkner and our Love Hate Relationship

27. Steev turning 25

26. Salem Massachusetts & Another Awesome Halloween

25. My Sephora Girls, I love you and miss you all so much! You all were with me through so much and I miss seeing all of you in our all black uniforms! haha GaGa you are amazing and I am so proud of you this year too! And Ashley B he finally put a ring on it!

24. Candy Apples. I Believe in Candy Apples

23. Gulianna & Patrick James being the cutest ever and the Avella Family

22. Having like 6 Thanksgivings & my family in general

21. Our Photobooth Pictures – we love having photos of everyone

20. College friends, love and miss you all too, I constantly immitate professors and nobody laughs like you all did! No matter what I know that when I text you all I get a good conversation for a little while and rememember wherever we used to catch up, rant and rave or study together. I miss St. Joe's, but not the parking.

19. St. Michael, the place and the Arch Angel

18. Summer BBQ’s at our place with friends. It was great to have such good company this year

17. The crab leg and lobster feast

16. My wedding dress

15. Our 8 year dating anniversary and the pretty French restaurant we ate at

14.Bliss Restaurant in Setauket

13. Our Lovemore Photo Shoot

12. The 1963 Mercury Comet

11. The Foo Fighters at Madison Square Garden

10. My 22nd Birthday and seeing old and new friends all in one place

9. My Shameless Photography Pin-up shoot, want to do another one!

8. Starting Create New Occasions (what’s up 2012, ready for us?)

7. The bridal showers (and the year of the wedding in general)

6. La Cole Salon & Spa, best hot stone massage ever, and Liz’s bachelorette party in general

5. The Awesome 80’s Prom & Lips. My friends & cousins really shared such an amazing night with me, we looked CRAZY but it was so much fun. My cousin Krystal surprising me, my cousins being there, and everyone having a great time. My bridesmaid's in general deserve a shout out. I was sad Jen wasn't there, but she brought it on our wedding day :) and Nicole again was kick ass for me this year!

4. Liz & Seb’s wedding, it was beautiful and such an honor for me to read for them at their ceremony. I was so touched to be asked, and so proud to have been a part of it.

3. Paris. We will always have Paris. I am home sick for Paris.

2. Getting married to the man of my dreams, the love of my life, my best friend & having the wedding I always wanted. The party where everyone comes together, dances their faces off and shouts songs at the top of their lungs. It was perfect. The ceremony by Pastor April was everything we needed (not to mention totally BA with a reading from ‘The Little Prince’ and our ending quote by Mark Twain). Everything was beautiful.

1. Graduating from St. Joseph’s College and earning my BA in English and Film Studies. It was one of the most challenging things for me to complete, and I did. To say that I am proud of myself is an understatement. The day itself was insane, but Lauren was there to sit next to me, cry walking in, make fun of the speakers and hug me when it was over. It will always be such a great memory for me, as well as an accomplishment.

Seasons

I know it is summer when all I want to do is get home from work, crack open a cold AZ Iced Tea and eat a fresh deli sandwich. I wake up wanting that sunshine to make patterns in between the leaves on the ground. The need to sit outside and to Belle and Sebastian while reading a crappy best seller consumes me. Then the months pass, the chill settles and there I am no longer longing for that cold deli sandwich (maybe a hot one), fall is happening. My make-up becomes earthier and smokier, my hair becomes a warmer darker shade and I want to get that last fresh s’more made before it gets too cold.

Long Island’s climate normally climaxes at 100 or so degrees and then plummets to chilly without a real in between. Fall sweatshirt weather is unfortunately short lived. I did however have my first fall craving the other day – a big mug of hot chocolate. It is the best part of it getting colder outside, in my opinion. Hot chocolate makes my heart happy. My husband hates hot chocolate. He hates a lot of things. It doesn’t take away my need for a mug at least three times a week.

The best part of fall for me is driving home from work. Belle and Sebastian turns into The Smiths (yes I have seasonal musical preferences) and the volume is always loud. Not only do the colors of fall surround me, but seeing the kids outside and playing is the best. At abut 5:30pm it starts to get dusky, not dark yet. When you were a kid this was the best time of year and the best time of day. It was right before dinner and you were still allowed to be outside with your friends. It was awesome watching everything become a shade of blue gray as you rode your bike down the block until you heard you Mom call you name for dinner. To me, this pre daylight savings dusk is the most magical time of day. I was never a lover of fall. My asthmatic self always found it the hardest to breathe this time of year. Plus cold is not my friend. I am one of those freaks that can stand outside in 100 degree weather and be comfortable. But these seasons have grown on me.

I have learned to find joy and comfort in every season (see my seasonal musical preferences). This weekend I will go up to Salem with my husband for the second Halloween in a row. It is amazing and a tradition we plan on sticking with for ourselves and our future family. Salem at Halloween is all fun and I am all for that. This time of year is magic in my eyes, the world slowly dies to be reborn again in spring (my FAVORITE time of year is spring).

The cycle of life is mirrored in our seasons.

Taking a second

I am taking a second (in my second post, yes pun intended) to show my support for old friends, local theater, and productive twenty somethings. I would like to direct you all to this:


http://igg.me/p/47121?a=286327&i=shlk


Now I know I am not a popular blogger but I have to show my support for local theater and productive people who are chasing their dreams any way that they know how. Please contribute whatever you can, and go see their show if you are in the New York area.


Good day. More postings to come.