Tuesday, August 6, 2013

The Adventures of Stephanie Continue

My long lost blog. Hi, Hello. Wow. 

2012 was a lost year for this girl. Since my last post my life is completely different. I started this blog in sort of a bad place. I was not myself last year, and still I am slowly coming out of this funk I was in for far too long. You can see it in some of my last posts, a lot of circumstantial blame, a lot of walls I was putting up. 

After leaving my job at the Salon, I stayed in bed for two weeks straight. I barely moved. I changed my clothes maybe twice. It was the lowest point of my lifelong battle with depression. My grey sheets held me close while my mind unraveled my sense of self. For the first time Stephanie had no plan. 

I was terrified. 

After my two weeks of wallowing self doubt came about a month of self loathing. I am the meanest person to myself. I have never met somebody meaner than when I am talking to myself, especially then. My scared, self-hating attitude shut the world out in a really big way. There were many people in my life kind enough to give me little pieces of worth - and while I accepted, the kindness was on the outside of the wall I was leaning against. 

The story gets drawn out. And eventually I stand against the wall - while a new job opportunity presents itself to me. 

I am working with a group of people that without knowing it, brought me to a place where I have started to tear down this wall. 

I have been working so hard in coming back to myself - and within that, I want to start blogging again. 

On my 24th birthday I made many promises to myself, one of those promises was that I would work on being kinder to my reflection, and many more that I will keep inside for now. 

I have gotten 4 tattoos this year (YAY) and made new friends that finally let me lay some old friendships to rest. I am going at a good pace - join me again? 

I have no idea what I will write about - but I am going to get back to writing. 

Let me reintroduce myself. My name is Stephanie, it is very nice to meet you. 

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