Wednesday, February 29, 2012

11 Random Things!

I was so pumped last night to see the little blue birdie at the top on my Blackberry telling me that I was in a Twitter mention from Corinne and that it was a post like this! My history with Corinne is so funny, she was friends with my husband in high school and when my 14 year old self was a Livejournal addict I followed her and ever since we have been connected via internet & blogs. Because I am newer to the current Blog scene I am going to extend the rules to Facebook so I can tag more friends! But anyway here we go!
There are five rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random things.
3. Answer the questions set for you in the original post.
4. Create 11 new questions and tag people to answer them
5. Go to their blog/twitter/facebook and tell them you've tagged them.

11 random things:
01. That photo was taken in Salem Mass. where we have gone for Halloween two years in a row now. It is so fun, and I love it there. I sometimes wish we could move to the town in New Hampshire that we stay in when we go. It is 20min to Salem and 30min to Boston and a cute relaxed town. We are tied to Long Island forever (or for at least 30 years) with Steev’s job on the LIRR but I can’t complain because that is a great job and I am so blessed.   
02. I’m 5’5. Most people think I am taller while some people (especially ones that I work with) realize my average height when I cannot reach the top shelf of some places. I like being 5’5, but when I was younger every doctor I ever went to said to my parents ‘She will most likely hit 6’0’ and then I just stopped growing. I am the shortest one out of my family of four. 
03. I get bored very easily. I don’t know what it is about me, but hobby and career wise I just get antsy. I can commit in a relationship (obviously, been married since 14) but I cannot commit to a hairstyle or lifestyle. I am stubborn as all hell but I am constantly changing my life goals as the wind blows. I must say though - the experience I have gained through these ventures is unbelievable and I would not take it back at all. At least I am going in some direction and not just sitting around trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, I am going for anything that sparks my interest full force - I mean why not?
04. Every day I think about enrolling in some grad school classes. I wouldn’t go full time - maybe a class or two a semester. I think about it just for me, so I can say ‘I have a Master’s Degree’ but I am enjoying my break from school work. Maybe when I have kids and they start going to school I will enroll again in the Events Off Season - who knows - we shall see. 
05. My ultimate goal with Create New Occasions (my event planning business) is to open a bridal boutique that I will name after my future daughters (if I have any). I want to carry beautiful affordable gowns that fit indie brides to princess brides and I will have the most killer accessories. As much as I hate the retail world, I want this so bad for some reason. A design studio upstairs for event planning, a boutique downstairs. I want it as my business and I am really excited about making it happen. 
06. I handle rejection horribly. Which is the reason I don’t sing in public anymore and quit acting. I really have a need to be appreciated and accepted, and I shut myself out of circles that I feel even a twinge of rejection from - it is just the way I have always been. 
07. I love animals and could never live without a pet. My dog Annie is the greatest. She is like a person. She sits on the couch and watches TV, always wants to go for a ride in the car, greets us with a huge yawn that sounds like hello. Wants to eat at the table (I’m not kidding) and sleeps on her back on our bed. I love her so much, pets just complete a family. Right now Annie is freaking out that I am not sitting with her on the couch like I do every morning. She is so confused!
08. I have been blogging since 14 and have had so many personal URLs it is ridiculous. It all started with Xanga and then I was on Livejournal from 8th grade-Freshman Year of College. I got suspended about 6 times from Livejournal for ‘spamming’ for Rating Communities (I can’t handle rejection but would submit my awkward teenage self to the worst ridicule ever on the internet, pre Formspring and anon Tumblr attacks). I posted a ton of photos plus surveys to boot and would post shitty things that would start catty fights in my group of friends. I honestly hate that part of my formal self. My group of friends in high school, we had a lot of great times but we didn’t treat each other well at all. Now I don’t speak to any of them, and it killed me that only 2 were at my wedding - but I have reached out in the past. Everything happens for a reason, but I just wish this happened differently. 
09. I am the heaviest I have ever been and I am pretty ashamed of myself. I understand that it could be something medical (as I have been posting about) but nonetheless when I get home from Chicago I am making huge changes in my diet and lifestyle. It has to change. To be 22 (almost 23) and this unhealthy was never in my cards. 
10. When I was in High School I had a specific map for myself as to where I was going to walk to my locker (I would loop around the whole school) just so I can listen to at least 3 uninterrupted songs on my iPod, or Discman or whatever I had to listen to. Without that I would have no backbone for high school. Walking past all of those people every day still plagues me. I realize I had very little friends. I sometimes wish I got to know more people, but then I grow resentful - they also did not try to get to know me. There is this one time I wore a 1940’s inspired tan suit with a brown fedora to school. Freshman year of high school. I was excited, I loved it and I remember a specific girl as I walked past her scream to her friends ‘ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER AND WHAT IS SHE WEARING? MY MOTHER WOULD NEVER EVEN WEAR THAT! ISN’T SHE EMBARRASSED? WELL I AM THAT I HAVE TO LOOK AT HER - I SERIOUSLY HOPE EVERY DAY SHE JUST STOPS SHOWING UP TO SCHOOL, THAT WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPY IF SHE DIDN’T EXIST” This girl most likely doesn’t remember it at all. She thought I had walked away but once I heard her yelling I stayed around the corner. I was so hurt that someone that did not know me at all wished I didn’t exist. Hey kids - it does get better I promise. 
11. Going along with that - I am not myself unless I am dressed the way I want to dress. I have always been into fashion risks - like statement bags or jewelry, purple lipstick (which I loved for this Winter), lip transfer tattoos, fascinators on my head, you name it. I always just had a knack for doing something slightly different, and I am not ashamed of that at all. 
11 Questions from Corinne:
  1. What's your desert island album? I am a lover of music, honestly. But this is a no brainer for me. River of Dreams by Billy Joel. I know it sounds cliche because I am from Long Island but hear me out. This album got me through so much growing up, and River of Dreams is my favorite song of all time. I could not live without this record, it is a part of me. 
2. If you could bring life to any fictional character and spend a day with them, who would you choose? Duh, Holden Caulfield. I am madly in love with this boy (Steev’s personality is slightly Holdenesque) and I would want to hang out with him and just hear him speak. I plan on naming my first son after him. If he was busy being Holden I would want to talk to Caddy Compson from The Sound and the Fury and get her side to the whole damn mess. 

3. Describe your perfect day off: Days off for me are enjoyed with my plans. I know I am one of those that yearn for days like this: I stay in bed until about noon, not sleeping but reading, watching TV, on the laptop doing work. I get dressed and take my dog for a nice long walk. Then I get home, shower, don’t bother with my hair or make-up and hang around the house working on personal projects like my scrapbooks, blogging, journaling, painting, anything recreational. Then I’d cook dinner for when Steev gets home (I also, like to be alone sometimes) and we would have a nice night in. There - perfect boring day. While I do love going into the city, exploring the island, antiquing...I also love being able to have a ‘nothing’ day. 
4. What is your favorite thing that you've made with your own two hands? This is tough but I would say my Wedding Album. I am not finished - I am actually going to start working on part 2 when I get home from my vacation, and the first one I finished before fixing a lot of the photos (don’t ask). But I am really proud to say I have made this special keepsake for us. The albums that are made out there are beautiful, and if we had a better photographer I might have considered one - but I am so proud to say ‘I made this’ and giving an album to my in-laws and soon my parents just made me so proud, like ‘I did this for you, thank you for everything, here are some beautiful memories’. 
5. Tell me your standard coffee or tea order: This is seasonal: Spring into Summer: Venti Iced Soy Cinnamon Dolce Latte no whip Fall: Venti Hot Pumkin Spice Latte with whip Winter: Venti Hot Gingerbread Latte with whip, into Venti Hot Soy Cinnamon Dolce Latte 
6. Tell me about the toppings on the pizza of your dreams: I am so boring when it comes to pizza. I like extra sauce and extra cheese - that’s it!
7. Which nationalities are you comprised of? I am a Grade A American Mutt! Yes sir! I am: Irish, Scottish, English, Russian, French, Dutch, With hints of Spanish and African (yes, there is rooting in my mom’s gums that are found genetically in African American’s which leads me to believe we are a little bit of everything) German and I think that is all. I am really proud of this - I normally just answer ‘American’ because my family got around. My dream is to have a gay son who adopts multicultural children with his husband so my legacy leads on as a beautiful patchwork of everything diverse. Who knows, we may even adopt if it came down to it, you never know! 
8. What kind of sheets do you have on your bed right now? 500 thread count ivory Martha Stuart sheets from Macy’s. 
9. Favorite band? Will forever be The Cure
  1. Do you have any tattoos or piercings? ‘Life is Beautiful’ is written across my feet and I have two swallows holding thistles on my calf. I have my ears pierced and I had my nose pierced for two years and then I took it out about 2 weeks ago. Over it. I miss it sometimes, but it is all good. I am more of a tattoo person. 
11. What is your favorite season and your favorite thing about that season?: Spring. I hate how short it is but spring is new life. Everything that died in the winter comes back in Spring because Persephone comes back to see all things beautiful (if you understand that reference I applaud you). I just love it, I love how cold becomes warm, brown becomes green, flowers shyly stretch from their long slumber. Spring is just perfection to me, it truly signifies a fresh start. 

Questions for you:

1. What is you favorite physical feature about yourself?
2. What is you favorite characteristic about yourself?
3. What is your favorite curse word?
4. What is the worst dream you ever had? 
5. Describe a perfect date:
6. What is something on your bucket list? 
7. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
8. What is the best gift you ever gotten?
9. What is something you secretly hope for? 
10. What does your dream home look like? 
11. If you could say 'I'm Sorry' to one person right now, who would it be? 

Tag you're it! Felicia, Kenny, Marianne, Chelsie, Becca, Max, Alyssa, Katie & my two blog followers besides Corinne Michelle & Katrina! :) If you don't have a blog post it as a note on Facebook! 

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Meet Jade

I am tirelessly getting my act together to write my novel. So, meet Jade - one of my main characters. This is a rough excerpt from her character back story; I am developing their back stories in depth since I need to know people before manipulating the situation. The curse of a writer.

“One thing Jade has always done is pick up on people’s mannerisms. It seems strange because obviously you notice people and their physical characteristics, but to Jade it was more. Not only does she know your tone of voice, but she knows your speech patterns. She knows your footsteps, the way your fingers curl around a book while reading. She knows your silhouette, you shadow, the way you appear out of the corner of her eye. This always came in handy in drama class. She knows how to act because she is a different character each day. Jade wakes up in the morning and knows how the day will go by who she will be – she grasps a concept and holds on not letting anything jolt her in a different direction. It is exhausting, and some days she cannot even bear to wash her face because of the weight that rests upon her. Sometimes, you can see it in her eyes, that weight. But you also sense her watching you, observing you, memorizing you. But this is not just a silly trick that she developed for herself – no.  Jade makes herself notice, so that you can never sneak up on her.”

Saturday, February 25, 2012


So I have decided I do not want this blog to be 100% about my health woes since life is not all about the struggles and the unknown right? 

This morning it is 11am and I am still in my pajamas. Now for most of you Saturday is a day for that, but it is RARE that I have a weekend off. But, today and tomorrow are clear sans any real plans (which makes me so happy). This morning I stare at the chipped nail polish that was fresh yesterday and staying cozy under my blanket. 

I prefer to work on my Mac at my desk, but the little HP that could is doing fine today. Once I have myself a Macbook I will have all of my work on the laptop and all of my play (personal photos, music, ect) on my desktop. Computer plans are boring though. 

Big things are happening for me right now. I’m a Stella & Dot Stylist plus an Event Coordinator for CNO with so many accounts to look after already. I love it. My goal is to own and operate a bridal shoppe one day – let’s see if I can make it happen. 

Next week my husband planned a trip to Chicago for us for my birthday. 3 days in the Windy City, we come home to my family on Sunday which is my birthday. I cannot wait to blog about that – but for now I am really just working this morning. 

I started reading The Help. I saw the movie and LOVED it, but I knew there was probably so much more under the surface. So naturally I bought the paperback and I am captivated. 

So I think this blog will be a little of my beauty tricks and tips, a little bit of the books I am reading, a little of the music I listen to, a little of my apartment renovations and a lot of my health endeavors since I really think that these syndromes are not talked about nearly enough. 

Are you on Pinterest? Follow my pins here!

Ok so get ready, because here I come!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Time for an update

So it has been a while and I feel badly about that.

I guess it is hard for me to get into writing about my health. I am very private about these matters and most of the time it plummets me into a dark place because I am a total control freak. Part of the reason why I never experimented with drugs or alcohol is because I will never hand the reigns of my actions or feelings over to anyone or any substance. I am in total fear of what could happen if I let go of that control. I have let my guard down in the past and I am a total loose cannon – and I don’t like it. So I hold fast, take a deep breath, and push forward.

The good news is that my thyroid tests came back clean. Sugars clean, everything but one. The 17 hydroxyprogesterone came back elevated. If some of you are familiar with your pregnancy knowledge this is what comes back when you are with child.

I am not pregnant. I wish I could be delivering that great news. Now some more tests will be happening. After my vacation next week I will be going to a new OBGYN and getting another blood test. From the looks of it, I could have PCOS. For those of you who don’t know what that is, you should. It affects so many women and it goes unnoticed.

“PCOS is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, also known as Stein-Leventhal Syndrome, and is one of the most common hormonal endocrine disorders in women. PCOS has been recognized and diagnosed for seventy-five years. There are many signs and symptoms that a woman may experience. Since PCOS cannot be diagnosed with one test alone and symptoms vary from woman to woman, PCOS has been known as the “Silent Killer”. Early diagnosis of PCOS is important as it has been linked to an increased risk for developing several medical risks including insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and heart disease.”

Lucky for me, I had a reference. When I found out the news I stupidly started to Google (I suggest NEVER doing this). The first thing that comes up is the word that almost every young newlywed fears – Infertility.

My heart dropped to the floor as my body did. I was home alone, curled up on the floor wailing. It all broke. Stephanie’s silent wall of strength shattered around her as she screamed.

While nothing has been formally diagnosed – we have been trying to get pregnant and it hasn’t happened. Yes sometimes it takes a while but I have felt something is off for a while. When that word came across the screen it was the unspoken fear wrapping its hands around my throat.

After my mini melodrama I picked up the phone. My cousin Krystal was diagnosed with PCOS last year  and I needed a pep talk.

“Stuffer you are going to be ok. This doesn’t mean you can’t have children stop Googling. The only thing that PCOS means is that you may not ovulate on a regular basis so it is harder to get pregnant.”

That makes sense. After a long conversation with my beautiful cousin I felt better. This wasn’t the kiss of death on all of our hopes and dreams of having children; this was a blessing in disguise.

So many women have PCOS and never know. They just think they have an irregular period; they gained weight because they got older, and the pain is normal. It isn’t. PCOS can lead to so many serious things going undetected.

So next week I am going on vacation for my birthday. And at the age of 23 I am taking the control of my health back. It scares me how many things can be wrong inside your body and you don’t even realize. Ask questions, be informed, and never take anything for granted.