Friday, February 24, 2012

Time for an update

So it has been a while and I feel badly about that.

I guess it is hard for me to get into writing about my health. I am very private about these matters and most of the time it plummets me into a dark place because I am a total control freak. Part of the reason why I never experimented with drugs or alcohol is because I will never hand the reigns of my actions or feelings over to anyone or any substance. I am in total fear of what could happen if I let go of that control. I have let my guard down in the past and I am a total loose cannon – and I don’t like it. So I hold fast, take a deep breath, and push forward.

The good news is that my thyroid tests came back clean. Sugars clean, everything but one. The 17 hydroxyprogesterone came back elevated. If some of you are familiar with your pregnancy knowledge this is what comes back when you are with child.

I am not pregnant. I wish I could be delivering that great news. Now some more tests will be happening. After my vacation next week I will be going to a new OBGYN and getting another blood test. From the looks of it, I could have PCOS. For those of you who don’t know what that is, you should. It affects so many women and it goes unnoticed.

“PCOS is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, also known as Stein-Leventhal Syndrome, and is one of the most common hormonal endocrine disorders in women. PCOS has been recognized and diagnosed for seventy-five years. There are many signs and symptoms that a woman may experience. Since PCOS cannot be diagnosed with one test alone and symptoms vary from woman to woman, PCOS has been known as the “Silent Killer”. Early diagnosis of PCOS is important as it has been linked to an increased risk for developing several medical risks including insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and heart disease.”

Lucky for me, I had a reference. When I found out the news I stupidly started to Google (I suggest NEVER doing this). The first thing that comes up is the word that almost every young newlywed fears – Infertility.

My heart dropped to the floor as my body did. I was home alone, curled up on the floor wailing. It all broke. Stephanie’s silent wall of strength shattered around her as she screamed.

While nothing has been formally diagnosed – we have been trying to get pregnant and it hasn’t happened. Yes sometimes it takes a while but I have felt something is off for a while. When that word came across the screen it was the unspoken fear wrapping its hands around my throat.

After my mini melodrama I picked up the phone. My cousin Krystal was diagnosed with PCOS last year  and I needed a pep talk.

“Stuffer you are going to be ok. This doesn’t mean you can’t have children stop Googling. The only thing that PCOS means is that you may not ovulate on a regular basis so it is harder to get pregnant.”

That makes sense. After a long conversation with my beautiful cousin I felt better. This wasn’t the kiss of death on all of our hopes and dreams of having children; this was a blessing in disguise.

So many women have PCOS and never know. They just think they have an irregular period; they gained weight because they got older, and the pain is normal. It isn’t. PCOS can lead to so many serious things going undetected.

So next week I am going on vacation for my birthday. And at the age of 23 I am taking the control of my health back. It scares me how many things can be wrong inside your body and you don’t even realize. Ask questions, be informed, and never take anything for granted.

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