And so I had all intentions of this being a food type of post but I have become deflated with reality. My whole life may be changing very soon – for the better but it will be a challenge for me. I love food – crappy junkie delicious food and I was ready to experiment and cook and share, but reality has struck and I am not sure it would be responsible for me to adventure into unhealthy cooking right now.
This week I finally went to the doctor and got some blood work done. They took the blood from my hand (which SUCKS) but nonetheless I did it. Turns out what I suspected was true: my thyroid levels were low.
Here is some backstory:
When I was sixteen I went to the doctor for a physical and they found a large cyst in my neck. It was (and is) uncomfortable when it is pressed on and swells whenever it feels like it. The doctors were perplexed. I was there in my paper gown with every physician in the office poking and prodding at my neck. The concerned looks back and forth were enough to make me nervously shake and start to cry. I am prone to full blown anxiety attacks – most of the time they are triggered due to my health.
After a painful 10 or so minuets went by, I was sent across the street for X-Rays. After that I was sent back to the doctor’s office.
“No spots, no, but she needs a biopsy”
I read enough Lurlene McDaniel books in my adolescence to know that a biopsy was serious and that it could conclude in caner. I knew that a lump in the neck could be Leukemia because that is what one of the girls felt on her boyfriend in one of those tragically sad novels. It ends with him drawing her a flower and then passing away on prom night. With all of that racing through my head I went into a tailspin of ‘what if’. But, the biopsy was clear (yes I was awake when they stuck a giant needle into my neck) but I was ok. The cyst apparently formed in response to some mysterious neck trauma I suffered growing up (whatever that was).
The problem was that it was wrapped around my thyroid. But the tests proved my levels to be normal so I exhaled.
Soon after this I started something a lot of teenage girls start and that is birth control pills which result in some extra hormones regulating some weird things in your body.
Over the course of the next 6 years I struggled with stress and weight like any other person does. My weight was always an issue since growing up I was a skinny awkward girl and I didn’t develop or grow into my features until I was about 17.
I started college 20 or so pounds heavier than I was used to (this means I weighed about 130 pounds….yeah I was that skinny). It has been a major insecurity of mine.
Every diet, every exercise, every everything I did to lose weight. At one point I lost 30 or so pounds in 2010, which was amazing for me. But like most people it went up and down like usual. The problem was after I stopped taking my pill my weight increased by almost double even though I was still eating the same. In discouragement I went back into some old habits but it was still strange how I was on a steady increase that I have never seen before. This was all right in time for my wedding so thanks for that insecurity universe, I don’t think I will ever forgive myself.
So, after scaring the living daylights out of myself by reading one of those ‘preparing for pregnancy books’ since starting a family is on the table I decided I am already 95% a bad mother because well I have cavities that need to be filled (aka I need like 4 crowns because my mouth is in distress) and I am carrying extra weight.
Finally, I go get my thyroid tested. It makes sense, I have all of the symptoms (which are vague). The main reason I went to get tested was that even after trying to conceive, it wasn’t happening after 4 months (yes I know that is too soon and a lot of people take a year but seriously it is discouraging and it got me to the doctor so shutty) I read that a thyroid issue could lead to fertility troubles.
Just as I suspected, my levels are low and I have an appointment with a specialist in about 2 weeks. After that I will most likely be put on a medication where I will have to fast and completely change my diet and routine to make it effective. It scares me so much because I am so stubborn and can never stick with anything.
So I have deiced that if it comes down to it this blog will be a place for me to share an experience. Underactive Thyroids are very common in women my age (who knew?!) and as frustrating as it is to hear ‘what you have is common, it is no big deal’ that isn’t what I want to get across. While it may be something people see often, it is a HUGE DEAL because hi, it effects every-day life. So I will keep you posted, and this blog will become Twenty Something Stephanie: Woman on a mission to help other women.
And some cute crafts and stuff in-between.
Happy Friday – I hope everyone feels fantastic today