This time, it is war.

Yes I owe Chicago photos and more BUT let’s go for a nice Monday update shall we?

Last week I was in the ER for more stomach pains. This marks the 4^th time I have been sick in a month, meaning off to the ER we go. After 9 hours, an IV and an uninterested doctor I left with a script for Vicodin and a pounding headache.

Yes, I went in with stomach pains and a detailed history of when I have gotten sick this month, what was going on with me biologically, the tests I have already gone through, how the pain was, what was a result of this pain, etcetera etcetera. What did the doctor do? Poke at me, told me I may have Fibromyalgia (was he listening at all?!) told me to drink a gallon of contrast (nope, didn’t finish it) order a CT Scan just to write me a script for a heavy pain killer and send me on my way.

Excusemewhat?!

What just happened? Is that why we have such a prescription drug problem here on Long Island? It is THAT easy to get the hard stuff? Go into the ER with a tummy ache? Get real!

I sat there carefully explaining that I just underwent thyroid testing but my level 17 hydroxyprogestrerone  levels were off and I was ordered an additional blood test. Also my nausea and stomach issues seemed to be happening with my cycle every two weeks (start of period, ovulation, end of period, you get it) and that seemed odd. My thyroid was clean from tests so my level 17 might be my ovaries and maybe the two occurrences are linked and my body is trying to tell me something.

‘It sounds like it could be skeletal’

‘Doctor I just told you about all of these things that are happening with me, do you think the two could be linked’

‘Oh yes you said something about your thyroid, is it hypothyroid? Because your stretch marks indicate a massive weight gain’

‘No Doctor, like I just explained I have gone for thyroid testing –‘

‘And you have an underactive thyroid?’

‘No, everything came back clean –‘

‘Ok so it may be you muscles, I may or may not order a CT get some rest while you wait’

And off he went.

This is the truth. My husband sat in awe over the fact that an ER Doctor just dismissed my claims. Now he knows how us girls are not taken seriously.

I have a very high pain tolerance and the pains I was feeling last Tuesday night were extreme. They hurt like nothing I have felt before. I was doubled over and couldn’t breathe.

So I got no answers, just a script for a painkiller I have no desire to take.

I ripped the script up in front of the Doctor. Told him that it didn’t answer anything, just masked my issues more. He just shrugged and left the room.

8 hours in pain, no answers. I’ve had it with healthcare.

What I do know is this: 3 specialists are being called as soon as I am done typing this. From there 3 appointments will be made. I am getting myself some answers.

Also – I have decided that hi, I’m Stephanie, I am overweight and effing sick of it. My weight it most likely my #1 reason for most of my issues right now. I bought ‘This is Why You’re Fat’ by Jackie Warner and finally cracked it open.

EUREKA!

This trainer, not a Doctor but a trainer is giving me answers. This food, affects this hormone, which burns this fat, which can be elevated by this exercise. Answers. This little book is giving me big answers. Answers I asked during weight watchers, answers I asked on OA forums, answers I knew I could Google but I ate cake instead. Finally someone is talking to me like I am worth the hard work and not a failure because I love junk food. The plan is normal, and doable, and involves variety and realistic expectations and I am SO READY TO KICK ASS.

I have never felt like this before. The ER visit was a major wake-up call:

“Stephanie, nobody is going to help you until you help yourself. “

It’s on.

>>FF

Top of the morning Bloggerverse!

Here I am 23 and sick as a dog. Yes, our vacation to Chicago was cut even shorter by my horrendous stomach bug coming back with a vengeance on our last day of visiting the Windy City. I was sick through my birthday, yesterday, and even today. I hate it. Everything smells and tastes weird when you are sick. I will do a post about Chicago and our apartment painting (YES WE ARE FINALLY PAINTING) later this week.

I think the worst part of being stomach sick is the constant ‘So you’re pregnant?’ that comes from everybody. I kindly told everyone to stop asking me while I go through this whole blood testing drama. But does anyone listen? Nope. It makes me want to break into a zillion pieces every time I see that smirk, that ‘You’ve been sick a lot lately…you sure you’re not expecting?’

Yes, I am pretty damn sure. The last time I was puking I was also ending my period (by the way, WORST). The sickest joke of it all was over this vacation I was supposed to be ovulating – so it would have been a good try – and BOOM illness. Maybe it is a sign there is something wrong – who knows, everything happens for a reason I guess.

This warm winter killed no germs, so my already weak immune system is just gobbling up every illness it can contain to make me sicker. I don’t appreciate it one bit and hope it stops.

The one thing I will take away from this is I haven’t eaten barely anything in the past few days. My ‘This is Why You’re Fat’ by Jackie Warner came in and I am going to break it open today. I am really resisting for some reason. I am clinging to an unhealthy lifestyle because it tastes good. But why else? I am having all of these issues and I want to change myself for the better but I see the healthy recipes and I scoff. I need to change my attitude and fast. I am 89% ready but I know I need that 11% to actually be successful. I think once I am no longer weak I am going to start light exercise. I know if I am doing the work, I am going to want to follow it with being healthy to see results.

I will keep you all posted.

Another successful decision I have made would be what to do with my birthday money. I got some cash, and I was planning on going to Sephora and buying more pretty make-up but I decided to stash it in my jewelry box. Save it. I really want this certain couch from Macy’s. I don’t know why, I just really like it. If I save my birthday cash and if I make any money from my Stella & Dot parties this month I could maybe get that couch by April. I really hope so. I really need to book some trunk shows – hopefully that happens this weekend.

I also made a distinct effort to let certain things roll off of my shoulders lately. It has been a rough battle for me, but I have decided people only hurt you when you let them. If they know they are hurting you and they continue to be hurtful why bother? They truly have no care for you or your feelings so forget it. I do care too much – but I have decided it just is not worth my effort anymore. I also wanted to dig up the past recently – like almost 5 years’ worth of past now by writing a few e-mails. I know those words fall on blind eyes though. So maybe I am finally letting something go. It has been a while.

But, getting into that will also dig up blogging past (livejournal, meet wordpress). I don’t want to backtrack – only forward walking happens from here.

Look for my cute entries with pictures this week (not many photos of me, since well, I was sick). But the apartment is shaping up to be super cute – I think I will document my Stella & Dot launch on Friday too. Watch out, you’re going to get a big dose of Stephanie soon!